YUMINNNN

man, im kinda addicted to having to type down all my thoughts in here. :)
i know this is kinda not THAT private but *shrugs* i dont think youre really aware of what im really talking about. lol. so there.
i hate hate hate ulcers. i hate em. absolutely, sourly, hate em to the core. it hurts when i eat (which is a neccessity ; i cant eat well) and it hurt when i talk. i can even smile properly! and you know how i usually smile, the dimply-smile. darn it.
i hate hate hate periods. though im not having one now. i just hate em. i hate having to wake up early just cus i cant sleep cus of my period and i hate the moodswings that come together with it.
i hate hate hate the fact that the tournaments are nearing. i hate it that i havent been practising hard enough for the tournaments. i dont want to disappoint my coach, though knowing that im not good AT ALL. i just want to live up to his expectations, thats all. can that be fulfilled, pretty please?
i hate it when that feeling comes, the feeling of loss and regret that causes me to brood over things that have already happened. things that needs no changing, cus it never will.
i hate it when i get oversensitive, jealous, paranoid, and insecure. what are those feelings for? something to make me feel even more terrible about myself than ever?

i dont want to keep things from you, knowing that you havent been doing so to me. i dont want to tell you and have things changed, just to suit my feelings. however it is, i know its changed. its okay though, im fine with it. im really used to it already. :)


i hate the dizzy feeling, the headaches that come whenever my sugar level is low. i hate falling ill, trying to discipline myself not to eat my beloved nachos when im so tempted to, and yet now, im tumbling into the pool of sickness.
sigh.
oh wells, i guess after all this rambling, this is still what im gonna have to face with.
i wonder why its kinda unfair that our Os this year are one of the hardest of all and that time has been flying by without me really realising it, just worrying about somethings that are maybe not supposed to be THAT important but which, i'd rather keep to myself as first on my priority list.


aha. and so you say, i think too much. i brood about the past too much. yes, i admit so i do. nothing can change the fact that im always so paranoid, so deep in thought about stuff like this and all.
oh gosh, i better concentrate on my goal for A for amath. and that 17average on the next training.
did i say, i love uncle jason. :)
and that jailbar train.






ps: thats something i did with my sister's pastel stuff she used for art. i was bored. and it turned out okay, im glad. and the phrase was just-purrrrrrrrrfect. [thanks to the postcard from bindy]

posted by yumin :D @ 9:26 PM